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Rations
alterin

Ouch. Just ouch. I don't get it. She rations out kisses like their precious metals as if she only has 10 to give. I feel as if they're my reward for being exceptionally good. We went to applebees with a few friends, and we all leave. My friends all get in their car and go, and me and Loriana are saying our goodbyes. We're hugging and I goto rub my nose against hers and she goes to kiss me and instead she just puts her face in my shoulder. We stay like that for a minute or two and then I ask if I'll see her tomorrow night(my only other night off), and she has plans. Alright. Well I goto kiss and her and she pulls away. "I already tried kissing you once tonight." Seriously? "yeah I already tried." What? "I'll give you a kiss on the cheek." Uhm okay... And she does and I walk to my car stunned. I don't understand. Seriously? Does she just not want to? She has no desire to kiss me? She just does it to pacify me cause it's expected her? Is this how she'll be about all signs of affection? All acts of affection? All desire? I just don't understand.

When I tried to break it off a few weeks ago, she was pissed off. She said a few things that rang slightly true, and she said that I give up too easily. And I so do that, I've broken off some amazingly awesome relationships(Amy, if your reading this, your definitely among these!) way too quickly cause the honeymoon wore off, I got scared, or other stupid stupid reasons. So I'm trying to stick it out and get past that stage, but... Really is that what I'm doing again? I just don't get it. How can you not want to kiss someone after three months? Shit. I'm a freaking make-out whore. We havn't even made out yet. We've slept together(literally, not carnally), but ... Seriously? No tongue?

I can't do this, and I want to do this even less.

Update:
Broke it off. I'm way too affectionate, and she's way not affectionate. Oh well. I just want to make out for the sake of making out. It's not too high of an order!

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPad.


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Bah, not what I meant. I'm not going to date a bubble girl who has no desire to kiss me. I can't constantly worry about how close I am and if every small sweet gesture might be too close.

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